First Driving Lesson

Yeah, so I had my first driving lesson yesterday, long overdue. But anyway, I got to town and met with my instructor to be. He eyed me and asked me just how good I was. Obviously I responded that I was made of both madness and Sparta.
"Prove it," he said.
So I took the car for a little spin around town. Think I scratched a few old ladies, but nothing serious. And while I'm being all awesome-like and doing my thing, suddenly this ass-hat turns up at my side and flips me the bird. That is, it wasn't a bird. That's just an expression. He flipped his finger. But I didn't care, I was pissed. Pissed off that is. Not pissed. That means to be drunk, which I wasn't. Don't drive drunk people, it's not cool. Trust me, I know cool. Also, I know a guy who's been to the moon. True story.
Anyway, this dude has this rigged ride, and is all like "I'm so gonna squash you in a race, man." And I'm all like "bring it on, diaper face," and my driving teacher's all like "...". But I know he was cool with it. I mean, who wouldn't?

So we line up, and chicks everywhere are shouting to me, you know; "I love you Ben!" and "I want to have your babies Ben!" and even "Purchase low-priced retail now, only at theresoneborneveryminute.com!"

So we line up and drag on. This punk goes first, but that's because I let him. He turns on the nitrous and just zooms off. I grit my teeth and look really awesome as I pull up beside him, while driving on two wheel sideways. Because, y'know. Why not?

He totally freaks out and shouts: "You're crazy!" I nod and push the special button I always install in cars I'm about to drive. The car stops and transforms into Optimus Prime. Sweeeeeet...

Anyways, to make a long story short, I shoved a stick up this guys exhaust (and by that I mean his anus. I'm good with metaphors you see.) And totally just owned his face in front of all the town. Don't bother with the grammar in that last sentence. Grammar ain't got nothin' on me, cuz I did his mom. Boyah.

So than I asked my driving teacher if I'm as cool as I told him, to which he replied: "..."

I appears I've broken him. I might have to use a few others next time. That will slow down the process of getting the license.

True story.