Forumetikette (h.saklig Rettskriving)

Følgende artikkel skrev jeg en megen sen kveld (les: "natt") og la den ut på et forum. Den ble varmt mottatt, og jeg vil dermed dele den med dere også.


In a discussion on any matter, it is normally a good thing to make sense when you state something. If you don't, well that could come from a long range of things.

First, there's a few things we need to clarify:

- English spelling did perhaps make sense in the early 1200s, but now it's as logic-defying as flat-earth society pseudoscience. Which means very.

- English grammar does make sense. If you split it up into all the different languages that English has taken it from. My favorite example of this is plural; nevermind writing ballistas when you can write the archaic ballistae, or nevermind writing shamans, when you can write it shaman with no plural sign. All for the sake of sticking to the originating language. Wow, good job, I'm sure the indigenous people of Siberia and Ancient Rome are thanking you now. But everyone learning English are planning your downfall.

Moving on:

Here's a few short rules:
1. Use periods. That's right, use those little dots. They make things look much, much better. In fact, without them, they make your post look like inane babbling from a kid with ADD who's been forcefed methamfetamin. And you shouldn't do that; those kids have enough to struggle with without you force feeding them illegal drugs. It's not funny even. Seriously.

2. Use spaces. English is not nahuatl. Even though the aztecs (notice my rebellious plural) preferred to have their entire sentence in one word, Anglophones generally do not. And we don't blame them. Well, we do, but this is hardly the worst thing they've done. Honestly, look it up.

3. If you feel like splitting your sentence a bit up, use the comma to do so. They're nifty like that. Make sure you place them where it feels natural with a short break. There's a lot of rules on this, but let's face it; no one here will bite your head off for using them slightly wrong. And if they do, someone will have to call the law enforcement, because losing your head is lethal, and we'd appreciate said head-biter not doing so again. It's really not wanted around here. Take my word for it.

4. Paragraphs are awesome. They aren't so much awesome in the way that Superheroes are when they make things explode and kick perpetrator butt, but rather awesome in the way that photosynthesis is; it just freaking works. Seriously, you'd be amazed by those green things. You totally owe them. Oh, yeah, paragraphs, right.

Use them to divide your text like this when you change subject. Doesn't it look awesome? Almost as awesome as chlorophyll. God, I love that green pigment.

5. The apostrophe is not your friend. And neither is it your enemy. It's just there for you to use. Kinda like a football (or for you who do no recognize the superiority of the metric system; *soccer ball). With it you can make great achievements, but it can also ruin your game. Don't put apostrophes in plural (Cars, not car's). Don't put them in genitive/possessive nouns (His, not he's/"hi's"). And for the love of God, please understand the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE. People have gone on killing-sprees for less than the annoyance this mix up has caused. Oh, and a difference between soccer balls and apostrophes is that no one will pay you millions for playing around with apostrophes. If they ever do, call me. I want to see that.

6. If you're really wondering how to spell a word, or what the meaning of a word is, remember that although it often leads you to obscure nutcase self-proclaimed experts' websites, Google is still your friend. (Not you're friend, remember?) Another option is Word, or similar programs with spell check. My Word doesn't have spell check. According to Google, it's because my aura is blueish-grey, caused by the Illuminati's hiding of Atlantis, which incidentally is populated by aliens cloned by the U.S government. My, what would I do without Google? It's all so clear now. I need to purchase massive amounts of viagra to get better. Obviously.

7. Don't be a douche. Don't attack people and call them names or things like that. And if someone hurts your feelings, take one mental step back and do something else for a minute. Then return and respond in a well-mannered and calm way. Whoever was a douche to you will then get owned. Or, as the grammatically correct form of the verb is; PWND. You will then become what is known by the Mayan and ancient Chinese calendars as OMGZ PWNZORZ! You may then initiate the religious ritual called the "ROFLCOPTER".

Or you know, don't.

(I don't take responsibility for anything said in this post. Neither will I care about people who point out mistakes in it. Because seriously, the time is like 02:20 here. Which means that my IQ is currently reduced by 34%. It's a fact. Look it up. You won't find it though. So don't.)

*Seriously, why isn't "soccer" pronounced "soxer"? I told you it didn't make sense. It doesn't even try to. What's next? "Nucular assesories"? Hahah-, oh, wait...