A Jour

So, lots o' stuff has been happening lately. Well, okay, not really. But kind of. Imagine living for six years on a deserted island with nothing to keep you company but a coconut-scarecrow and a palm tree. Got it? Okay, now compared to that, alot of things have happened.

Sometime prior to December I realized it was time to refrain from drinking christmas-soda. (or soft drink, pop, or whatever you Anglolingual freaks call it. Jeez Louise!) I mean, many people take this way too lightly; not drinking christmas-soda (henceforth referred to in Norwegian; "Julebrus") is a tradition on line with NOT KILLING BABIES! And just as important, trust me on this.


Above, a group of Vikings are quite determined not to drink Julebrus before Yuletide.


Above, the Men of Eidsvoll (effectively the Founding Fathers of Norway) are reading up a letter from a distressed Norwegian citizen; "Should I drink Julebrus before Christmas?" the person wrote. History has it that it was voted upon and the vote was unanonymously "Nay".


Again, an image of stalwart Norwegians refusing to drink their Julebrus prior to 1st December. Quite impressive considering that these are the "Gutta på Skauen" (Norwegian resistance fighters during the nazi occupation of Norway) who during the winter of 1941 had no other liquid than Julebrus. Still, they stayed true to the tradition, relying instead on melted snow; melted by their own piss. (Incidentally, they also stayed true to the tradition of NOT KILLING BABIES!)

So there you have it. A long, proud Norwegian tradition kept alive throughout the last millennium. Hopefully, you did not break it this year.

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ANOTHER EVENT THAT OCCURED A SHORT TIME AGO WAS THE 'ALL CAPS DAY', WHICH MEANS JUST THAT; SPEAKING IN ALL CAPS-LOCK. SOMEONE HAS SAID TO ME THAT IT IS LIKE A CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL; IT GIVES YOU HEADWAY, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO STEER. OBVIOUSLY THAT'S NONSENSE. WHAT COULD BE POSSIBLY BE UNCOOL WITH TALKING IN ALL CAPS?

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THE FUNNY THING IS THAT I CAN'T SHRUG THE FEELING OF READING MY OWN LETTERS AS ME SHOUTING AT YOU; LOUD AND OBNOXIOUSLY. SPLENDID.

IT'S THEREFORE MY PLEASURE TO PRESENT A LITTLE POEM, NORMALLY MEANT TO BE WRITTEN AS SILENTLY AS POSSIBLE, IN ALL CAPS;

'TWAS THE MORNING OF CHRISTMAS, WHEN ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE,'
THE CHILDREN WERE ACTIVE, DISTURBING A MOUSE.

THE STOCKINGS, ALL HUNG BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE,
GAVE AMPLE PROOF THAT SAINT NICK HAD BEEN THERE!

THE CHILDREN ALL JUMPED WITH GLEE FROM THEIR BEDS
AND POUNDED THE DOOR, AS WE LIFTED OUR HEADS!!

AND MOTHER, WHO WAS RATHER IRRITABLE SAID,
"IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING, NOW GET BACK TO BED!!!"

THEN MAMA IN HER GOWN AND I IN MY CAP,
SETTLED TO BED FOR A FOUR HOUR NAP!!!!

[...]

AND SO MY FINAL WORDS TO SAY:
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!!"

SO THERE YOU GO. AND TO THOSE OF YOU THINKING I DID SOMETHING WITH THAT TEXT BESIDES DOING IT IN ALL CAPS; YOU'RE CLEARLY DOING DRUGS. STOP DOING THAT. NO I DON'T CARE IF IT KEEPS THE VOICES AT BAY. OR KEEPS YOU FROM MURDERING THE CAT. IF IT KEEPS YOU FROM KILLING BABIES THAT'S ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY.

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See you later freaks.